The Piano Tuner

It's amazing how God speaks to each one of us. There are people that hear God's audible voice, although I'm not one of them. There are those that hear God's voice as He speaks to them through others. There are those that hear God's voice in observing His creation. Then there are those, like me, that hear God's voice through circumstances in life.

I went into a chapel yesterday intending to have a little quiet time with God. When I walked in, though, there was a man tuning the grand piano at the front of the chapel. At first it was very distracting and I got uncomfortable because I wanted to spend time with my Daddy and this guy was getting in the way of me communicating with Him. Little did I realize at that moment that my Daddy was speaking to me.

I resigned myself to the fact that this man was going to be there awhile tuning the piano, but as I listened I noticed something. There was a piano string that he used to tune other strings of the same note to. The others were slightly out of tune and it didn't take too much use of his tuning tool to get the other strings in tune. That's when I began to hear God.

He told me that when we lead a sinless life, which doesn't last very long for me, we are in tune with God. But when we stray from His ideal for us, as slight or innocent as it may seem, we become out of tune like the out of tune piano strings. We are close, but out of tune enough to be irritating. When we're out of tune, I believe we become an irritation to Him like the Israelites of the Old Testament. 

This is where we need a piano tuner in our lives. That tuner is an accountability partner, someone who we can trust with our darkest secrets. It's someone who is mature and gifted with a godly wisdom. For me, this was a confirmation of what a friend had suggested to me just the night before. The search now starts for my piano tuner.

Life With An ICD

It's amazing what kind of technology surrounds us in today's world. Just a few decades ago we had telephones with party lines. Now we have cellular phones and the ability to make conference calls. We had metal tags that we put on our dog's collars to identify who their owners were; now we have microchips implanted under the surface of their skin with the ability to store a multitude of information about your pet.

"Ventricular tachycardia (V-tach or VT) is a tachycardia, or fast heart rhythm that originates in one of the ventricles of the heart. This is a potentially life-threatening arrythmia because it may lead to ventricular fibrillation and sudden death." - Wikipedia

On the morning of August 6th of this year, I participated in a treadmill test after checking into the hospital with what I perceived to be symptoms of a heart attack two days earlier. The test went well with nothing  discovered during the test to give a reason for why I had the heart attack-like symptoms. The team had me sit on a gurney as I recovered from the test and proceeded to monitor my blood pressure. That's when the ruckus started.

The attending tech could not get a blood pressure reading. I sat calmly on the gurney thinking there was a problem with the cuff or the actual blood pressure monitor. Then the tech called in another tech because she noticed there was something unusual with the "tracer" on the EKG monitor. After a few seconds they decided to call the cardiologist back in who had just left as I continued to focus on relaxing and getting my heart rate back down. He returned in just a few moments, monitored the situation, then got on his phone to call the ER to get a cardiac team into the room we were in because I was having a v-tach.

For six minutes, my heart was beating so fast that it wasn't pumping any blood. It was just vibrating is how one of the techs described it to me before my heart began to beat again. So for six minutes, no blood was moving; no oxygenated blood was getting to my brain. Looking back on this with my non-existent medical and limited human biological knowledge, I should have passed out or been dead. Contrary to this though, I was conscious and very alert through the whole ordeal.

Two days later I went into surgery to receive an implantable cardioverter-defibrillator (ICD) or a pacemaker with the added feature of a defibrillator. It's designed to monitor and assist with regulating my heartbeat electronically and when necessary restart my heart with an electronic shock that is supposed to feel like somebody kicked me in the chest.

Just like the dog with the foreign chip implanted under it's skin, I now have a foreign object implanted under the skin on the left side of my chest just below the clavicle. It is definitely a strange feeling to have it there. I can't make a move without it telling me, "Here I am buddy. You're stuck with me for the rest of your life." I've always wanted to be married again, but not to something like this.

I still have a little over month left in the doctor prescribed healing process. I've been told not to reach over my head or behind me with my left arm to help prevent the wires in my heart from being pulled away from the heart wall where they've been placed. Fortunately I'm right-handed so it hasn't impeded me too much with my activities. But now I wonder what the future holds for me.

My curiosity is not in regard to my physical future but my spiritual future. From what I know, sudden death was upon me but I didn't die. God isn't done with me yet, but what does He have in store for me? What are His plans for me that He wasn't ready to take me home yet? He has revealed to me in the last couple of weeks a lot about what goes on in the spiritual realm and I'm wondering what all of this means? What I know right now in this moment is that I'm very excited as to what He has planned for me.

Reflecting

I celebrated my twelfth "birthday" last week. Yeah, I can hear it now, "Why Tony, you don't look a day over fifty-six!" Twelve years ago, I came out of the "womb" of St. Joseph's Hospital after receiving five coronary artery bypass grafts (CABG). So, now I celebrate my birth of a new life every August 16.

Not too long after going home, I started wondering about all that had happened. Frankly, I should have been dead. I had heard of people having two, three and even four bypasses, but five?! It became clear to me that God was not done with me yet. I wondered what He still had for me to do.

It's taken me years to realize it, but looking back over these last twelve years it's become clear. God has brought people into my life that I have had the privilege of joining in their journey and walk with God. They have also impacted me in discovering more of what His purpose is for me.

What it boils down to is that life is all about relationships. For me, first and foremost is my relationship with God. That, though, is intertwined with my relationship with others. God desires a relationship with me like a father has with his son. He also desires for me to have ongoing relationships with His children.

"As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another." - Proverbs 27:17

Throughout these last few years, I have been sharpened by others in my thoughts and viewpoints about my faith and life in general. It's become clear to me what is important right now and more importantly, how I can impact the future in my interaction with others. I love to hear what others have to say. It doesn't necessarily meant that I agree with them, but it will either challenge me or solidify my thoughts and opinions about all aspects of life; what's important and what's not.

Fifteen days ago, I had an implantable cardioverter defibrillator (ICD or pacemaker with defibrillator) put in my upper left chest just under the skin surface. My heart had stopped pumping for six minutes after a treadmill stress test in the hospital, which caused a ruckus in the room. Through the whole event I was conscious and had felt no ill-effects. I was told that it couldn't have happened in a better place. Of course, I believe it was all in God's plan. Through circumstances, I was in the right place at the right time with the right people to take care of me. Coincidence? No. God? Yes.

Over the last few days, the question has come up again, "What is God's plan for me now?" I'm waiting for it to be revealed to me. I know that relationships are still a top priority. There are things that will happen that will affect me and what I do from this point forward, and there will be things that I will say and do to affect others. I still have work to do to fulfill my purpose here, and as I've been told, God isn't done with me yet.

This Is Not Your Mother's Church or Dis Ain't Yo Mama's Chuch (intentionally misspelled) No Mo'

A friend told me that she was talking to one of her friends who said, "Worship isn't the same anymore. Since _____ left, it hasn't been the same. The songs don't do anything for me anymore. I just don't feel like worshiping." I had another friend of mine tell me that he likes to dance when he worships. On a recent weekend, he was told that the bobbing he was doing was a distraction and he was politely asked to stop.

Worship is defined as honor, adoration, glorify; to render religious homage, as to a deity. - from Dictionary.com

In America, most Christian churches worship by singing; JUST singing. People walk in and are given a hymnal or a lyric sheet to help them sing along with the others attending. If they're in a more progressive church, they may have some big screens with the lyrics scrolled through onscreen by someone typically in a different room. This is how many churches have been worshiping for hundreds of years. This is the way they've always done it. They say it's traditional, but it's really not.

Music is not that important to me when I'm worshiping with others. I imagine that it's just a glimpse of what it is truly going to be like in heaven. There are choirs in churches, although it seems like there are fewer and fewer. Now churches have bands called worship or vocal teams. To all my vocal/worship team friends, my apologies but I hope we're singing "a capella" in heaven. You get just a little too loud for me. I love hearing the sound of harmonious voices singing with just their voices being the instruments and I can't hear them.

Worship for me is an intentional act. I enter ready to honor, glorify and praise my King, music or not. I don't need to go to a service expecting the music to move me to worship. Worship is so much more than that. I lift  my hands and eyes up to heaven lost in my worship of Jesus not caring about what people around me think. Worship with music in a church is a way of worshiping, but I also worship in prayer and how I live my life to honor God (even though I fail so much).

More churches today are becoming more traditional. Yes, MORE. All you need to do is read some of the stories in the Old Testament. The Hebrews worshiped God through singing and dancing with tambourines, stringed and percussion instruments. These are the traditional ways of worshiping from centuries ago. Even through their oppression, they celebrated God. So why aren't there many more churches doing this?

Most churches today are still clapping along with the music, but now there are more that are lifting their hands and eyes up to heaven glorifying, honoring and adoring God. Then there are the churches that are dancing in the aisles or just where they're standing. There are those with people worshiping with flags and ribbons.

I think the "modern" American church is genuine in it's intent to follow Jesus' example of being a fisher of men, but in doing so, they've kept people from freely worshiping God. They frown at you you if you become a distraction because "that's just not the way we worship here." They've forgotten that your worship is between you and God. Frankly, if someone standing near you when your worshiping in a traditional way is distracted, they're not worshiping; they're just singing along.

They've forgotten the long heritage of the church. A good friend told me that one of the reasons African Americans go to church dressed up in their "Sunday best" is because that's the only time they really had the chance to dress up. As slaves, when they weren't in church, they were typically working in the heat at back breaking jobs, so they took the opportunity to remove themselves from that. Through time, that's evolved to today's men wearing suits and ties and the women wearing bright colored dresses and those great hats. And they sing!

They sing like it's nobody's business. They sing like they're almost shouting. A choir of twenty in an African American church will sound like sixty at any other church. When they sing, it's a celebration honoring God. And they're clapping, and they're dancing in the aisles, and they're lifting their hands up praising Jesus. They are worshiping!

There is a change going on in the churches today. There are more modern churches becoming traditional. I have a friend in the Midwest where they have  dancers dressed in traditional looking dresses and scarves playing tambourines. You can now find more churches with vocal/worship teams lifting their hands in praise and celebration, dancing in the aisles with flags and ribbons, These modern churches have evolved to be more traditional like the Hebrews thousands of years ago. This ain't yo mama's chuch no mo'.

There are too many people looking for a church that truly worships. They either don't have a background in the church, or they're looking for something different from what they grew up with. Churches have a great opportunity to draw these in if they would just become like the churches long, long ago; but more importantly, it allows their members to worship freely without someone making a remark because they are breaking away from the modern form of worship.

My worship is between myself and God and yours should be as well. I lift my hands and eyes to the heavens as the Spirit leads me. Don't let anyone come between you and God because you don't fit into their idea of what worship should look like. The devil may be using that person to keep you from honoring God with your best worship. Who knows? There may be someone else who's been timid in their worship because they didn't see anyone else worshiping like you and you'd be helping them towards freedom in worship.

So how will you be worshiping this weekend?

Quiet Time

Be willing to fight for this precious time with Me. Opposition comes in many forms: your own desire to linger in bed; the evil one's determination to distract you from Me; the pressure of family, friends, and your own inner critic to spend your time more productively. As you grow in your desire to please Me above all else, you gain strength to resist these opponents. Delight yourself in Me, for I am the deepest Desire of your heart. - Jesus Calling July 1

I've been pretty much bed-ridden the last five weeks due to a back injury at work. It's been painful to stand or sit for any amount of time and I feel the least amount of pain as I'm lying down. I've been entertaining myself by blogging, going to the doctor and physical therapy, spending time on Facebook and Twitter, listening to music, and watching cooking and home improvement shows on TV. I've gotten up to go for short ten minute walks (per my physical therapist), take care of personal hygiene and to go grocery shopping while coping with the pain associated with these activities.

The problem is that all these activities have taken me away from a great opportunity to spend time with my Father. I've made the time in the past to engage with Him while I've been healthy (relatively speaking), but now, I've wasted a golden opportunity to do this. What is it in this world that is so enticing to draw me away from the One who loves me unconditionally? Why haven't I used this time more wisely?

It is hard for me to have a relationship with anyone where I don't see them or hear their voice on a regular basis (my apologies to some of my social media friends). My faith allows me to believe that God is real, but not real in the physical sense. It is through faith, believing in what is unseen, that I am able to, when I choose, nurture my relationship with God.

In those quiet times He has spoken to me through the beauty of His creation all around me. It's not just the natural beauty of snow-capped mountains or gentle rolling waves at the beach or a gentle breeze on a warm day. It's also the architecture, the sounds of civilization, the technology that all have their beginnings with the Creator.

I can vividly remember the first time I heard His voice during my quiet time. I had been sitting in a chapel praying about a group of people I was leading. It was quiet and I was at peace with everything going on in my life. As I opened the doors to leave the chapel, I distinctly heard Him say, "You are their shepherd, take care of them." It was a surprise to me, but there was a sense of peace as I heard His words.

He has even spoken to me as I was journalling. I was sitting in a sterile setting insulated from the world. I began to write questions to Him and before I could get to the end He was already answering me. It wasn't an audible voice, but a voice from inside to my soul. I would write His answers and begin a new question and He would again answer before I was done writing the question. I just couldn't write fast enough. I know there is only one true mind reader and it was becoming fun to hear His answers so quickly. At the end of our time, His answer to my situation was to trust Him.

It's really up to me to consciously think of spending time with Him. It's not that hard, especially now in my condition, to do this. Lying around gives me all the time I need.

Egg Wife Beater

When I was growing up, the only kind of beater I heard of was an egg beater. It was the predecessor to the electric mixer and whisk. Where an electric mixer had two mixing blades, the egg beater only had one. There was a handle on the side that you would crank to make the blade spin and beat the egg.

These days, the beaters you hear about are the wife-beaters, female-beaters and child-beaters. You don't hear about man-beaters because the men are the ones doing the beating. It happens no matter the race; White, Black, Hispanic, Indian, Middle-Eastern or Asian, they all do it.

Whatever the case, this cannot be tolerated. It is absolutely UNACCEPTABLE! What possesses someone of great physical dominance to perform such an act? Nothing against the women I know, but they just don't have the physical power that a man has. If you put a man and a woman with similar size and weight into a ring with gloves on, all my money is going on the man. Women were not created by God to be that way. Women were created by God to be the child-bearers and nurturers. There's a reason that God says to take care of widows and orphans, and not widowers and single men. Men were created by God to be self-sufficient and have the physical strength to be the warriors and protectors.

What these men are modeling is anger in it's most extreme form, rage. I understand rage. I've been there. It was only once but it scared the daylights out of my then wife. I don't remember what triggered it other than we were having an argument. We were attacking each other verbally when it just got to the point where I had this uncontrollable desire to hit something. I put my fist through a wall. It got quiet for a moment and then she asked me why did I do that. I told her it was better to put my fist through the wall than her face.

I come from a time long ago where it was okay for corporal punishment. My parents rarely used their hands to discipline me. There was always some apparatus used as an extension of their hand to do the disciplining. It ranged from flip flops to extension cords and garden hoses; just whatever was in close proximity at the time. I always got it below the waist, either on my butt or the backs of my legs, but they never beat me with a closed fist. I still believe in corporal punishment, but only to the degree where it's only with an open hand below the waist to the butt.

Beating is something totally different today. It's man on woman. This is horrendous. Why do men do it? Is it to prove their physical superiority over the woman? I don't think any of us need to have that proven. Is it uncontrollable rage? This I believe is the most common reason for beatings, and there is help available for this. But first this has to be identified by someone early, before it gets to the uncontrollable stage.

People have to be honest about themselves and the people closest to them. I believe in many cases this can be caught before a boy becomes a man. Parents have to be cognizant as to how their sons react and deal with relational skills. Caught in time, there can be counseling and therapy to deal with this. Even after the boy becomes an adult, there are anger management classes to help with this. But you have to be honest about it. Don't give them or yourself any room for excuses.

Untreated and uncured, this can and does lead to more violent scenarios. The most tragic is the murder-suicide where the man murders the woman, then kills himself. The tragedy is not just in the act itself, but because many times it happens when there is a family and the children are left behind to deal with the tragedy. That can and probably does lead to issues where the children will have to be counseled and given therapy for all that comes with the aftermath of this kind of tragedy.

If you've been a victim, report it! If you've been a perpetrator, get help. There is absolutely no reason for a man to lay a hand on a woman. NONE!

Strongholds

It's amazing how things happen in your life at a specific time. Some people call these instances coincidences, but I call them God moments.


Some time ago, I knew I would share this part of my past one day. I had envisioned that it would be one-on-one with someone that I would have known  for a long time and that I could trust with this dark event from my past. I had never thought that God would step in and orchestrate the event, but lo and behold He did.


I thought we were going to the dairy warehouse to play. He was a senior in high school but he liked to play with me. Being four years old, I didn't think anything of it. Back then you never heard of sexual abuse in Hawaii. This day was different. We went to a part of the warehouse that was out of sight. No one would be able to see what was going to happen.


He turned me around with my back to him and dropped my pants, then my underwear. I don't know why I didn't react, but I didn't. I just stood there. There was no penetration, but instead he used my legs held tightly together to create the friction that he needed. It didn't take long but it left a mess in my underwear. He got dressed, then he got me dressed not bothering to clean me up and we left. This happened a second and final time a few weeks later. After that, I avoided him as much as possible until he left to join the military.


Having been a victim of sexual abuse at a very young age, I can understand some of the emotions that go with it. Sexual abuse is ugly and dirty. You don't realize the long-lasting effects until many years later. The immediate effects for me was fear. I was afraid to tell my parents. I didn't think they would believe me because the perpetrator was the beloved son of their close neighbors.


As I got older, it remained a secret locked away in the deepest crevices of my memory. I thought I grew up like any other kid with his crushes for girls, but pornography came into my life at the age of twelve. From that point on, it affected me and my view of women. Intimacy for me became sex and nothing else. Love was physical and nothing more. When I didn't enjoy it any more, I checked out emotionally.


Through the course of time, I found out that the guy that did it to me got married and had three daughters. One of the first things that came to my mind was if he had or would attack them as he did me. Should I warn his wife, or someone close, to watch out for what he might do? I didn't. Not too long afterwards, I found out that he had died from cancer. For me at the time, justice had been served. I felt that he died the painful death that he deserved. The anger that was locked up in me was turned loose. But I still kept it a secret.




"There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you." - Maya Angelou


May 15, 2012 became a day of reckoning for me. It began at our weekly gathering innocently enough when I was asked to demonstrate what sharing strongholds would be like. I was asked if I would be part of an exercise to model what sharing a stronghold would be like with a group of leaders that would be meeting later that night with their own groups. There were probably fifty to sixty people there, most of whom I did not know very well or at all. I sat there and thought about what I would share with the group. How transparent did I want to be? What would I be willing to share about my life with these people, most of whom I did not know that would be safe and not open me up for unwanted scrutiny? Most of these people were strangers; people that I had never spoken to or had never spoken about anything of any significance. As I sat there, nothing came to mind.


Another leader began the meeting by talking about the subject of spiritual strongholds. Then she said something that would be the catalyst of what I would share. She had shared with the leaders to be prepared to hear from their group the statement, "I have never shared this with anyone before". That was the trigger. Moments later she invited a friend of mine to join me to begin modeling what that would look like, and he walked towards me. We stood together and he asked me to share my stronghold with the group.

I took a deep breath and gathered my thoughts for a moment. Then the words came out; words that I had not planned but words that were flowing freely. I spoke of the event that happened over fifty years ago. I was getting teary eyed and a little choked up, but the words kept coming out. Some other power had overtaken the moment and I felt at peace. I spoke of the boy who did this to me. I spoke of a hard time with intimacy and relationships. I spoke of listening to the lies from the pit of hell. I spoke of the forgiveness that I didn't have the opportunity to offer to the perpetrator. I spoke of bringing out what was in darkness into the light. I spoke of being released and free. I spoke of a loving and forgiving God.


I never realized how much toll those events had taken out of me over the years. There had been unresolved pain; putting on a smile and saying everything was okay when it wasn't. Over the next few weeks I realized a greater freedom from the darkness of those events.


Today, I still deal with the effects of the sexual abuse from years ago, but now it doesn't have the grip it had on me just a few weeks ago. I claim victory every day that I don't give in to the temptation of pornography. The memory of the sexual abuse still lingers, but I can now use it, as God brings the opportunities, for others who have experienced the same thing.

Legal Aliens

My father came to the United States from the Philippines in 1947. He was a guerrilla fighter in the Philippines during World War II and even spent time in a POW camp before escaping. He grew up in a rural area of the Philippines and had to leave school after the third grade to help the family make ends meet. He, like many people from foreign countries, came here looking for a better life.

Having only a third grade education, the only work he was qualified to do involved manual labor. He didn't complain and went to work willingly every day. After working at a local dairy, he went to work for the local sugar cane company. It was hot and dirty work. He got up early in the morning to get on a truck that would take him out to the cane field that he tended. He would come home hot, sweaty and smelly each afternoon between three and four. 

He came to this country legally, abiding by all the requirements our country had for people of his status. He finally decided in the early sixties that he wanted to become a citizen of our country. He went about filing the proper paperwork to start this process.

I have never seen anyone study as hard and as diligently as my father. Every day after coming home from work and on his days off, he would spend an hour learning about the country that he wanted to become a citizen of. He even quizzed me on the subjects that he was studying and had to memorize. He felt so proud when he could answer the questions correctly and I couldn't. Of course, it did help him that I was only in the third grade.

The day finally came that he took the oath and became a citizen of our great country. He was the proudest man on this earth that day. He did everything that was required by this country to achieve what he did. By doing so, he received all the benefits that a citizen of this country was entitled to. I never told him, but I was just as proud that he worked so hard to achieve what he did.

Today, achievements like my dad's should be honored, but instead, they have been downplayed. He did it as required by this country so he could legally receive all the benefits due to a citizen of our country. Today, it's much different. There are still those that have completed the requirements to become legal citizens of this country, but there are so many more that have not. And yet they receive many benefits from our country.

I have no problem with anyone wanting to come and live in this great country of ours. I do have a problem when they do not fulfill the requirements to do so. They have made what my father and so many others have achieved seem worthless.

Our government is unwilling to seal off our borders. They are unwilling to send illegal aliens back to the countries they came from. These people are using up our resources when we have our own citizens that are unemployed, homeless and go without food or shelter. Something is drastically wrong with this picture.

I am not saying that we don't allow anyone into our country. I'm saying that they need to go about it the same way my father and countless thousands have done over the years. We should welcome anyone with open arms that fulfill all the requirements to receive all the benefits a citizen is entitled to. I would rather spend the money we are spending now in supporting illegals to get them back to the countries they came from and, going forward, use that money for the citizens of this country who need assistance. When they come into this country legally, then they should receive all the benefits that their status entitles them to.

Now here's the BUT. We need to be loving and compassionate not just to our own, but to others as well. As long as they are here, we need to help them survive. This goes against the grain of what I just wrote, but they are human beings, and as such we need to take care of them while they are here. The flip side of the coin, though, is that we still need to encourage them to go back home and to gain access to our country legally. Otherwise, all the time and effort put in by those that legally obtained their citizenship here was worthless.

Sandusky

Hate evil, love good. - Amos 5:15

There is no doubt that the crimes committed by Jerry Sandusky are some of the most heinous imaginable. I can imagine emotions are running high, running the gamut from anger to sorrow. Justice has been served, but it does not change the effect it has had on the victims let alone all who have been involved.

Having been a victim of sexual abuse at a very young age myself, I can understand some of the emotions. Sexual abuse is ugly and dirty. For someone like me, you don't realize the effect until many years later. The immediate effect for me was fear. I was afraid to tell my parents. I didn't think they would believe me because the perpetrator was the beloved son of their close neighbors. It didn't just happen once, but twice. I avoided him as much as possible until he left for the military.

As I got older, it remained a secret and was locked away in the deepest crevices of my memory. I thought I grew up like any other kid with his crushes for girls, but pornography came into my life at the age of twelve. From that point on, it affected me and my view of women. Intimacy for me became sex and nothing else. Love was physical and nothing more. When I didn't enjoy it any more, I checked out emotionally. This was one of the main reasons for my divorce.

Through the course of time, I found out that the guy that did it to me got married and had three daughters. One of the first things that came to my mind was if he had or would attack them as he did me. Should I warn his wife or someone close to watch out for what he might do? I didn't. Not too long afterwards, I found out that he had died from cancer. For me at the time, justice had been served. He died the painful death that he deserved. The anger that was locked up in me was turned loose. 

May 15, 2012 became a milestone date for me. It began innocently enough when I was asked to demonstrate what sharing strongholds would be like. One of the things I shared was that I wished I had the opportunity to forgive him face to face.

What Jerry Sandusky did was a choice. He had the temptation to do what he did and if he didn't act on it, it would still be just a temptation. But he did act on it and it was evil. I am tempted on a daily basis with pornography. When I give in to it, that is evil. The act of evil is what we should hate and not the evil-doer.

The challenge for us as a society is to forgive the Jerry Sanduskys of the world and accept them back. But there has to be genuine repentance, renouncing what they did, before we can accept them back. That acceptance is called reconciliation. We are to love one another to the point of reconciling with and loving our enemies.

It's about forgiveness. It's about love. It's about life.

Oh Bother!

Here it is in the wee hours of the morning and I can't sleep.

A few hours ago I saw a post on Facebook by one of my not-so-close friends that said she was now engaged. Normally I would be happy and I would be posting a congratulatory note. Not this time.

It's been really bugging me. A cute girl (she's young enough to be my daughter) is now engaged to another woman. All I can think of is the sinful act that is a big part of this. Sinful because God says so (see Leviticus 18:22 and yes it applies to females too).

I don't have a problem that really close friends of the same gender want to spend most of their time with each other. I've got male friends that I like to spend time with too. I've even been kissed by men, in the Jewish tradition on the cheek of course. In other cultures of the world, women hold each others hands and so do the men. Men hug each other and women do the same. The difference is the sex that is part of the relationship. The terms are homo"sex"ual and hetero"sex"ual, not homo"gender"al and hetero"gender"al. It's the sex and nothing else!

It's a choice. I choose to have sex with women and not men, although being single has not necessitated this. That makes me a heterosexual. Men who choose to have sex with other men and women that choose to have sex with other women are homosexuals. It's a sin of the flesh accepted by many of today's Christians with total disregard and disobedience to what God clearly states in the Bible. Homosexuality is a lie from the pit of hell.

Am I repulsed? No. She has made the choice, not me. Will I stop being her friend? Of course not. I met her at the church that I am active in and undoubtedly there will be some backlash. These are the times where the love of Jesus absolutely has to be present.

Does that mean I have to accept her choice? No. Even Jesus pointed out to people their sin, but He did it because He loved them and did not want to lose them for eternity. He was giving them a chance to repent of their sins. This, I believe, is what the homosexuals and their advocates do not understand about Christians like me. This is what it is to hate the sin but love the sinner and this is what true followers of Jesus need to do.

I am saddened though like I would be with anyone else who commits a sin. Sin separates us from God who only wants the best for us. The only way to restore our relationship with Him is to go to Him asking for forgiveness. I felt remorse after committing my sins enough to go to God for forgiveness to restore my relationship with Him. The problem is while I was sinning I lost out on the best God had waiting for me. Those were lost blessings.

I'm no better than her. I've committed more sins than I want to admit to. The Holy Spirit in us will convict us of our sins. What happens depends on what she chooses before she has to answer to God. Only God will truly condemn someone for eternity. What I will do is love both of them despite their sin as Jesus loved me despite my sin. As she chooses to sin, I choose to love. It's all about choices. It's all about love.

What If...

...a woman in a business suit walked up to you and asked you if you would help her out with some money for lunch? What would be the very first thing that would come to mind?

...a homeless man walked up to you and handed you ten, one hundred dollar bills? What would be your very first thought?

Many times I react to things based on my life experiences, or lack of, over the years. I grew up, unknowingly at the time, in a low income family. Unknowingly because life was good. I stayed at home most of the time to help around the ranch, so I didn't get to visit friends much and see what they had while growing up. I really didn't realize what I didn't have until I moved away to go to college. I ended up as a teacher's assistant at a high school in an affluent part of a beach city in California. Not until then did I realize what I didn't have while growing up.

It started me on a journey to seek out and obtain the things that I didn't have while growing up and then to keep up with the Joneses. It also started to change me and how I looked at the haves and the have-nots around me, and I wanted to be with the haves.

A couple of years ago I was challenged in my views of other people. As part of an exercise, I got to sit in on a tutoring class for underprivileged third and fourth graders in a predominantly Spanish-speaking part of the county. I went in with preconceived socio-economic biases about the people and the community. Fortunately my eyes were opened to the truth about them. Other than the language, lack of material things and living arrangements, there really were no differences between these kids and any other kids that I knew in that age group. They loved to have fun. They worked hard at their studies and strove not to just succeed , but excel at what they did. They were polite and respectful, but also mischievous. They understood where they were in the economic pecking order, but instead of letting that weigh them down, it ignited their desire to excel. These kids turned my world upside down.

If I was wrong about these kids like that, what else could I be wrong about?

So what if you did have a well dressed woman in a business suit walk up to you and ask you for help with getting lunch? I think most of us would think that she probably forgot her wallet somewhere, was rushed to get back to her job or something like that, so sure, no problem. But what if she was homeless? What? Her? Look at how she's dressed? Her hairs done. She's clean.

How do we really know that she's not homeless? Why do we assume that? She may have spent the night in her car, if she was lucky enough to still have it.  Maybe somebody gave her some money the day before so she could get a motel room for the night to freshen up. These things do happen. I've been involved with a similar situation. Too often we go by what we see and no more. When we're comfortable with situations, we're more apt to do things freely.

So this homeless looking guy walks up to you and hands you ten, one hundred dollar bills. Your first reaction may be to think who did this guy steal this money from? Why does he want to give it to me? Is this a trap so he and his buddies can rob me too? Why do we react to what we see and assume things?

I once heard a story years ago about a dirty, unkempt and smelly man who walked into a bank with a satchel full of money and asked the banker to hold the money for six months. He didn't want any interest, he just wanted a place that would keep his money safe while he was gone. Appearances overshadowed the transaction that day, but the banker accepted the money and agreed to keep it safe. After the man left, the authorities were called. An investigation was launched but they couldn't connect any crime with the money that was deposited. On time, the man returned. But this time he walked in dressed in an expensive business suit and clean cut. It turned out that the man was Howard Hughes.

Appearances can be misleading and barely scratch the surface to the truth about what is going on. People have a story that we're either too reluctant or too busy to take the time to hear. How will you react the next time someone approaches you for some help? Will you base your decision solely on what you see, or will you take the time to hear someone's story?

Then what?

Feelings

When she breaks your heart, she feels nothing. She moves on quickly...like nothing happened. You feel as if a piece of you is missing. You can't eat, you can't sleep. All you do is think about her, wondering if she ever misses you. You're depressed for weeks, months, sometimes longer. But then you realize what's important in life and you decide you need to worry about yourself. You soon move on...and she's stuck watching you smile...and realizes she messed up...

She'll regret everything.

Men of my generation have been told through the years not to express their emotions. We are not to show our anger because it's either inappropriate or just plain scary. We aren't supposed to show sadness or mourn because that's a sign of weakness. We have been taught to suppress our emotions.

Over the last twenty years, our culture has been more acceptable of this. It's now okay for a guy to cry at a chick flick. It's more acceptable for a man to have a righteous anger, just don't go flying off the handle. It's okay for a man to lay his emotions out on a table.

I see that women have changed as well. They still continue to express their feelings well, but they have kept more of their emotions in check. My generation didn't have very many good female poker players, but there are a lot more top caliber poker players that are women now. Is it because they can hide their emotions better while still being able to read the emotions of men? Or is it because they are competing more in what was once a male dominated business world?

The opening quote was found on Facebook. The nouns and pronouns were actually male, but I changed them to female. If you would change it back to the original, the emotions expressed would be completely understandable. The funny thing is that it works this way as well. Both men and women would look at the changed statements and accept the emotions coming from a man.

Is it okay for a man to express himself this way or is this still a sign of weakness? Are men still supposed to keep emotions like this locked up and unsaid?

Show Your Pride

Before proceeding, please be aware that there are portions of this blog that are "R" rated. The quotes and references are not intended to be "Bible thumping", but a loving intent to explain my personal position and faith.

I have someone that I hold dear that is homosexual. He's my youngest brother. Although we haven't spoken to each other in years I love him dearly. There are others in my life that may be homosexual as well, but that has never been an issue in our relationship because it hasn't gotten to the point for us needing to discuss it. They are friends because I love them as well. I am proud to have these people in my life. That being said, it has not deterred me from my faith beliefs and what I believe to be the Truth.

Many of my faith-based perspectives have come from my own reading and study of God's Word. I know there are many that discount the validity of the Bible being God's spoken word, but I have through  exploration and study wholeheartedly accepted the Bible as truly being God's Word. These perspectives have been supported by many deemed to be scholars of the Bible AFTER deriving my own conclusions.

The month of June has become known as Gay Pride Month, and becoming more widespread in it's support by the general public. The same-sex marriage issue in our country will especially be in the forefront this month. Some people have called me harsh when I say that homosexuality is a sin just like lying, stealing and murder. They become indignant when I say it's a choice, like any other sin. They claim to believe in God or call themselves Christians. Although we have our strong opinions, we remain friends because friends can disagree yet still love each other.

First and foremost, I believe unabashedly that God is God. He is not the man upstairs; He is not a so-called supreme being in the sky. God is the Creator of all living things, that's you and me, and He has given us free will to choose. If we obey Him and what He tells us to do or not do, we are called righteous (a term that I don't particularly like). If we disobey Him and not do what He tells us, we sin. It's not as complicated as some want to make it.

I also believe there is an evil power in this world called Satan or more commonly known as the devil. He is not one to be discounted because he and his demons roam this earth planting lies into the minds of, and plotting against people like you and me. The battle created by this is called spiritual warfare. The lies we believe and hold on to that keep us from doing what God designed us to do create strongholds. These two issues will be discussed in a different blog.

I believe marriage was designed by God mainly for the sake of procreation, although we derive immense God-given pleasure from it as well. In Genesis 2:23-24 of the King James Version (KJV) of the Bible God says, "And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh." Take note of the word "cleave". The Hebrew word for that is "dabaq" meaning to be joined, stuck, stick together or stuck together. The Hebrew word for wife is "ishshah" which is a feminine noun meaning female, woman or wife. God created man with his unique genitalia and woman with her unique genitalia to be joined together in sexual intercourse. So, for the sake of procreation, a man is to leave his parents and family to be physically joined together with a female in marriage.

So God says marriage is to be between a man and a woman; not a man and a man, and not a woman and a woman. But the lies that permeate our culture and society say different, and Christians, Jews and people who say they believe in God are buying into the lie that same-sex marriage is acceptable. Why? If what God says is so simple and clear, why do people argue that same-sex marriage is acceptable?

In the culture that was in the Old Testament of the Bible, men were the leaders of the different tribes and the households. So God was speaking to the men of that time through the Bible to give direction on how they were to live to honor Him. The Book of Leviticus is full of these directives from God. In Leviticus 18:22 KJV God says to the Hebrews, "Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination." Just to be clear, God didn't say it in English in that vernacular.

We don't usually see the word "abomination" other than in the context of the Bible these days. Abomination means intense aversion or loathing; detestation. Notice in the Scripture, God does not say, "an abomination" but simply abomination. This takes on the tone that this is serious; an intentional act that is loathsome. God is telling the men to not "lie" (Hebrew "shakab" meaning lie with, sleep with, have sexual intercourse with) with "mankind" (Hebrew "zakar" meaning male) as with "womankind" (Hebrew "ishshah" meaning female). How much more clear can God be about this? Sorry, I don't have a Hebrew font to give you the actual Hebrew words.

Homosexuality is at the root of this. Homosexuality is a choice; it's a lifestyle that a person chooses to be in. I don't believe, as some say, that homosexuals are born "that" way. We were all created as men or women with our specific organs to do as God designed us to do. But the lies that have permeated our culture and society have been embraced as being good and loving towards this sin. The tragedy with that is that those that have embraced the lie have embraced the sin as being acceptable. It's not.

None of us are perfect do-gooders. If you think you are, I don't think so. We have ALL sinned. I have lied. I have stolen material things, time and even love from others. Sin is sin. Sin is separation from God. Homosexuality IS a sin that separates one from God; a choice like all the sins that I chose to commit that separated me from God. God has told us to confront others gently about their sin (Matthew 18:15-17) and we are to love one another (John 13:34-35). Confrontation is what it is. People are afraid to confront others about their sin because they see it as being UNloving. Nothing could be farther from the truth when you're focused on eternity.

The homosexuals that I know also know of God and Jesus. There lies the dilemma. For them, as long as they continue to live in their chosen lifestyle, it is living in continual sin separating them from the promise of eternal life with God. For me, it is how to share the story of love, forgiveness and repentance. Jesus came to save the sinners of the world to live for eternity with Him. In love, I need to carry out what He started. I want them to be in heaven with me. The only way this will happen is if we all make a concerted effort towards the Truth and Love of Jesus and His sacrifice for us.

So as homosexuals and their supporters are showing their pride for their choice of a lifestyle, I love you all but I am showing my pride for being the forgiven sinner that I am. I am no better than any other sinner because I have made the choices I have that separated me from a loving Father God. I am proud that I know a God that came down from heaven in human form as Jesus to save me and others from our sins. I am proud that He has shown me a love that goes beyond all understanding that I can share with others. I am proud that He has shown me that no sin is too great to not be forgiven when we repent of our sins. I am proud to know that His love is transformational and that if you let Him, He can change you with His love. Finally, I am proud that He has brought me to this moment to share this with you and be open to you to share more of His story.




The challenge for you now is not to accept what I have posted here. I was challenged many years ago NOT to accept what somebody said without challenging it and seeking the answers myself. It has served me well in my personal relationship with God. Now go and see what it says in the Bible yourself and let God talk to you if you're willing to listen. Yes, He does speak to us; for most not in an audible voice, but in different ways.